思念。

即使我個人從未有過任何關於謀殺案的經驗，但我卻知道失去摯愛之人的滋味。你永不可能讓這樣一件事情成為過往，你只是走過這件事－－就因為這再單純不過的原因，我比瓊．尼爾森所想像的更能明白她的感受。

P020

“I knew what it was like to lose someone you loved. You didn't get past something like that, you got through it.”

那正是你當下行經的道路和已被遺留在身後的差異；那是你自以為是的自己和真正的自我之間的差距；那是你用來欺騙自己並收納謊言的餘地。

P028
 

我放聲大笑。過沒多久，我開始啜泣，淚水滑過臉龐，為自己失去的痛哭，為當下流過我指尖的液體痛哭流涕。只有那些曾經擁有的事物，才能叫人懷念。

P047

I laughed. But before long I began to sob, tears running down my face for what I had lost, for what was now literally coursing through my fingers.

You can only miss something you remember having, and it had been so long since creature comforts had been part of my ordinary life.

I filled a plastic mug with wine and drank it down; I did this over and over again until it became easier to forget the fact that extraordinary things must come to an end - a lesson I could have lectured on, given my history.

也許，那也意味著他贏了：我變得跟以前的他一樣，怨恨且墮落。不過，這只讓我確定，自己有足夠的耐力去面對面告訴他，平衡痛苦指數的真正涵義為何。

P168

 

當邁可神父思忖一場瓊和薛的會面時，很自然地便把這一點排除在外，那就是為了原諒，你必須先記得起初自己如何被傷害。然後，為了遺忘，你必須先接受自己在已發事件中的角色。

P170
 

「這真是一個值得深思的問題，不是嗎？是一生下來就是這樣，還是我們讓自己變成這樣？」

P179
 

「大多數人只想相信其他人跟他們所說的。」

P183

Most people just want to believe what someone else tells them.

不論你多同情他們，你都要提醒自己，他們會拿走所有能拿走的，因為，他們一無所有。

P185

No matter how much sympathy you feel for them, you have to remind yourself that they will take whatever they can get, because they have nothing.

反問自己：你會怎麼做？
如果能夠救活你所愛的人，你願不願意拋下對痛恨之人的復仇？
如果讓你的夢想成真，同時也意味著成全敵人的遺願，那你願不願意？

P202

 

或者，我多多少少告訴自己，內心某一部分的我，希望自己是錯的。

P204

 

然而，就算起初的立意良好，事情卻搞砸了，不是嗎？有一群人相信一樣的事情，於是組成團體，接著事情開始變樣，其他不相信這些事的人都是錯的。

P260

 

「這和別人叫你去相信什麼無關，但和靠自己去理解大大有關。你必須碰觸內在的自我，了解人性與其宿命，到時候，你自然便可領悟奧祕－－如果你願意去尋找，將會發現，每個人的內在都有神性。每個人所追尋的道路也互異。」

P284


 

我們當中沒人睡得著，但那並不是我們沒去嘗試的問題。

P288

None of us were getting any sleep, but it wasn't for lack of trying.

「我總想著，有一天，自己被迫去想像了心，該怎麼活下去，但我必須坦承，從來沒有想過，這一天竟是如此真實不浮誇。

P299

「我認為，當一位孩子被殺害，死的有兩個人。唯一的不同，在於，母親仍然必須活下去。」

P301

"When a child is killed, two people die, I think. The only difference is that his mother still had to suffer a heartbeat."

 

想在這世界找到愛、遇見某人，讓你覺得，自己的存在的確有意義，實在是天殺的難事。我猜想，一位孩子，正是這種愛的最純粹形式表現。一位孩子，是不用你刻意去尋找、無須證明任何事、無須擔心失去的愛。
這正是為何，當人們失去孩子，傷痛可謂椎心刺骨。

P302

"It was so damn hard to find love in this world, to locate someone who could make you feel that there was a reason you'd been put on this earth.
"A child, I imagined, was the purest form of that. A child was the love you didn't have to look for, didn't have to prove anything to, didn't have to worry about losing. Which is why, when it happened, it hurt so badly.

當你極度相信一件事的時候，表示它就真的就會發生嗎？你的想法，能改變他人的心嗎？

P309




「他不欠我們任何東西！妳為什麼就是不懂？媽，妳不能把分數到處加加減減。妳必須從頭來過。」

P312

He doesn't owe us anything! Why don't you get that? Her eyes filled with tears. You can't tie the score, Mom. You just have to start over.
 

你大可犯下一樁可憎的行為，然後用接下來的餘生，真心地嘗試去彌補這一切。
沒有人比我更清楚這一點。

P360

You could do a horrible thing, and then spend your whole natural life trying to atone. I knew that better than anyone.




「沒關係，瑪姬。我從來沒做過一件重要的事。我不能治療癌症、停止全球暖化、或贏得諾貝爾獎。我的生命，除了傷害我愛的人之外，可以說是一事無成。可以死亡－－死亡能讓一切變得不一樣。」

P406

"I didn't cure cancer or stop global warming or win a Nobel Prize. I didn't do anything with my life, except hurt people I loved. But dying – dying will be different."



我想起藏在頭巾後方的葛瑞絲．布爾能。我想，妳怎麼能直視某人，卻沒有真正去看清楚。或許，你透過我的過去，認為我一定以為，這件事只是純粹的妄想；事情可以隨著你的立場，或身邊的人而有所改變；可是，當你的視線一清晰，事情，也可能因此消失無蹤。

P436




「為什麼？因為妳說了沒人敢說的話？世界上最難的一件事，就是相信人可以改變。順著事情本來的樣子去做，要比承認，自己一開始可能錯了來得容易。」

P460

The hardest thing in the world is believing someone can change. It's always easier to go along with the way things are than to admit that you might have been wrong in the first place.

 

有時候，我們只看見自己想看見的，而不是擺在我們眼前的事實。有時候，我們看得一點都不清楚。

P465

Sometimes we see what we want to, instead of what's in front of us. And sometimes, we don't see clearly at all.







 

“After all, how many of us had tried to forget something traumatic...only to find it printed on the back of our eyelids, tattooed on our tongues?”

There are all sorts of experiences we can't really put a name to...The birth of a child, for one. Or the death of a parent. Falling in love. words are like nets - we hope they'll cover what we mean, but we know they can't possibly hold that much joy, or grief, or wonder. But try to describe it to someone else--and language only takes you so far.”